When I haven't written in a while, I'm tempted to just give a recap of everything that has happened. Although this might be interesting, it is only surface stuff. I like to write about my feelings and thoughts, so pardon me if I miss some extra fun stuff we did.
We made it up to Minneapolis and while it was a lot of fun, the notion of health and sickness was constantly in my mind, back and forth, back in forth.
My brother has always been large. I remember in junior high his doctor instructed him to find a hobby, so he and my father picked fly fishing. In interesting hobby, but not a very active hobby, and as it turns out not too rewarding. I walked across the street to the park with them a few times, watching them perfect their technique as the fishing line went up and down. What I missed out on were the hours and hours of actually trying to catch a fish with absolutely no success. How long did this hobby last? I'm not sure, maybe a year or two. If you ask me, not a very good hobby to get a young boy active or even excited about something besides tv and video games. How can you like a sport that never gives you any rewards? I have no idea what they were doing wrong, but needless to say, that hobby dwindled as his weight grew. In junior high I was an active kid playing sports year round. I thought it was sad to see my little brother miss out on this and watched him slowly get bigger and bigger. As a teenager, I of course made the wrong choices to try to help him out. Chastising him for eating another slice of pizza or picking on him surprisingly didn't change is life (and maybe even made things worse).
Eventually I got the hint and shut my mouth. I wasn't helping, I knew. I just wanted him to be happy. Now, my little brother is all grown up and has done something I never thought possible, he decided to change. I'm not sure what spurred it, but he has done amazing things. He is eating better, exercising a lot and even is playing on a soccer league. I got to see him play last year and it was a lot of fun. With all this, my little brother has lost over 100 pounds. This is truly incredible. He has his health back.
What is given can also be taken away.
My sister's father-in-law is sick, very sick. While we were up in Minneapolis he just kept getting worse and worse. You know sometimes you walk around with this bad feeling in your gut. It's unconscious and you ask yourself why you feel this way, and then you figure it out. I felt that way with him. No matter how much fun we were having, he was always in the back of my mind. As a doctor, I felt all the things they were saying were not good. The funny thing is that I barely knew this guy. Sure, I met him a few times at my sister's wedding and reception and stuff, but I really don't know him. I do, however, know my brother-in-law and realize that his father has shaped his life. Really, that is enough for me.
Sometimes empathy hurts too much. I try to dissociate and tell myself that it does not good, but maybe it does. Maybe it helps me realize how lucky I am to be so healthy and have a family with no major health problems. I mean, last weekend my father and I worked out together, how great is that? It's not fair that my family is lucky. Life is not fair. So I will grieve for my brother in law's family while cherishing mine. It's all I can do.
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