One Year after an Acoustic Neuroma

Aaron has done a great job recapping all that we did this summer.  Instead of continuing the summations, I am writing to fixate on one day, one scary day one year ago on the 11th of this month.

I knew something was wrong with me. I went to a specialist and tried to have them convince me it was not an acoustic neuroma. They couldn't, and so ordered an MRI. After I got the scan, I made the mistake of looking at the MRI without an official reading.  I don't think any physicians could wait for an official read while the results are in their hand (CD).  When I looked at the scan, I saw something HUGE.  That evening was the scariest night of my life.  As soon as I got home from work I grabbed Aaron's hand and I don't think I let go for 16 hours or so (even at night).  Scary end of life thoughts were flitting through my head at an uncontrolled pace.  Those thoughts always came back to my kids and family.

Now flash forward a year.  Through brain surgery, five days in the hospital and months recovering at home, past 6 weeks of radiation with fatigue clicking up a notch every time the invisible rays flitted through my skull, past somnolence syndrome and then weeks of steroid treatment needed control its symptoms. Past it all

Now it's fall.

I feel pretty normal.  I've realized now that the daily headache I was so used to, now has vanished.  The headache after exercise is also gone. I still have headaches, but they are sporadic and they are not needing medication. This is a HUGE improvement that just crept up on me. I only noticed it because I was reflecting on this anniversary.  My right ear hearing is trashed, but with a hearing aid, things are manageable. My balance is pretty good, but during the twilight hours it is harder to balance.  When I spin at all or look far to the right, the room will still spin.  Even the thought of a roller coaster sends a little nausea bubble to my stomach. I used to love those things!  I can ride a bike, I read well, and do so often.  I now have started going back to the gym and am even incorporating weights into my routine.  If you saw me on the street, you would  never know.

Through all this, I have learned to be kind.  It does reiterate that everyone has their own silent struggles. But for me, the kindness was more to myself. All in all, I have done damn well.  Sure, there have been a few set backs and mistakes, but I need to forgive myself and allow the slow ascent back to normalcy.

I remember scouring websites looking for acoustic neuroma stories.  I knew everyone was different, but I wanted a hint of what things were to come .  I also craved personalization, where all of the facts I read about were sterile and comparing hundreds of people.  I needed one.  Maybe I will be that one for someone. If I am, or if anyone else wants to know...I am okay.