Nirvana

 Recently, people have been asking me how I feel. This makes sense, considering what I am going through, but the answer is quite unexpected.

I tell people that I have achieved enlightenment, peace, nirvana. 

I am right now balancing somnolence syndrome, steroids, caffeine and lack of sleep. For some reason, all of these stirred together, lead me with ... a sense of being, alright with the world.

I am still somewhat motivated in life, but for the most part, things are pretty okey dokey.  I just want to keep thing simple, and keep floating over life.  I used to think about the next day, then the next week and the next month.  I am more just thinking about today. What am I going to do today? Should I think about tomorrow? I usually do at around 2am in the middle of the night or so.

This weekend, I slowly plugged away in the kitchen and living room, to not only clean, but purge the excess in my life. I want to live simply and I want to stay in an uncluttered abode.  The thing is, I wasn't even minding the cleaning.  It was the process.

Um, what?  So not me...or is it.

I also feel like maybe I am more gentler and kinder.  When I go into a patient room at work, I am usually very aware of time. Not in a bad way, but in a prompt way.  Now, I am finding myself just sitting back and waiting for parents to wrap up the conversations.  Most of the time, I end up on time anyway without pushing. This leaves me with a little less time between patients, but I manage fine.

I am also being nice to myself.  If I eat an extra cereal bowl before bedtime...big deal.  I will probably make up for it sometime in the future when I start exercising hard again.  If I can't sleep, just get up and find something else to do.  If I need an afternoon caffeine pick me up, so be it!

Maybe this is good, but the truth is, it's not me.

So, I will continue living in this state of enlightenment for maybe a week or so, but then I better get back to my motivated practical self.