A Change

This blog has been dormant for 3 months now. I've been thinking about posting for a long time, but have been busy. You see, my life is changing.

3 months ago, my work notified me that they could no longer keep paying my salary. If I wanted, I could continue working at a lower amount (yeah right). I said I couldn't stay and started to move on.

It's funny. Well, maybe not really. My whole life I've considered myself a Feminist (and still do). I have prided myself with doing things that were not textbook "female" things to do. This includes playing trombone in a jazz band, playing rugby and even being a doctor.  I like trying to be different and oppose the normal path, but the truth is that sometimes that really really sucks....

So here I am, in a job that I like (although has its problems), now learning that I have to move on.  And the thing is, it is not just me moving on.  I'm the big Kahuna in my family. I earn the money that gives my husband the freedom to watch our children and explore his interests.  This is great because my children have a gentle and caring father that they know well and I know that every day I go to work, my children are being cared for in the exact way I would like.

So, we are a little unconventional. Well, maybe not much anymore. More and more father's are staying at home, but it still is a surprise when I tell people about Aaron. The hard thing is that there are no textbooks for this path, you know, the ones I have tried and tried to bury and ignore. I want the revised version so I know how everything works.

Who should cook the meals or even decide what we are eating? Laundry? Should I arrange for the outings? What do I do when Frances signs milk the minute I come in and Henry wants non-stop attention also? And now, the even bigger question is, can I just uproot my family and bring them to whereever I need to go?  Do I have such a big ego that my career is the most important thing? 

I guess being the big Kahuna has its draw backs.

I do want to say that I tried. I tried to find a great job and keep my family here and disrupt as little as possible. I called the entire phone book looking for jobs. Yes, tried but didn't succeed.

I was successful somewhere else. Somewhere where there are different grandparents waiting to hold their grandchildren longer than a day or two. Somewhere where Henry could have a good chance at reaching his academic potential. Somewhere where my friends are waiting. Somewhere where I found a good, solid job that could last years and years and years.

I'm coming home.