Getting Out

I had to work today. I always dislike working on Saturday's, but the sick need the help, so usually once I am there, I am glad I am doing it. Today was no different. There was good variety and people seemed appreciative. I don't expect that, but it always makes me feel nice when I do.  After work I was still in a good mood and I actually had a little energy. I hadn't ran since Monday and I knew I should to keep my body in shape.

 

This afternoon I put Frances down to sleep and I took off (after a few sips from Aaron's coffee). There is a nice little trail about 5 minutes south of us. I like running on it if I want to go longer distance. That is what I chose. After a week like mine, I wanted to do something by myself, for myself. I wanted to push my body as much as I could. In other runs, I have started listening to talk radio or music on my phone, but today I wanted silence. I wanted to be with my thoughts and be in tune with my body.

 

After I started running I felt really great. It seemed like my stride had become more efficient and I wasn't getting tired. I paced myself slow because I had a lofty goal. Before I got pregnant I was running frequently and the farthest distance I had gone was 8 miles. Since Frances, I had only worked up to 5. I wanted go further and push my body. I knew I had it in me and my body was responding well. No, I didn't run the whole 8 miles, but I did hit 6. When I was done, my legs felt tired but my mind was invigorated.

 

After I got home, I took the kids to the park, out to eat and dessert at Foos. At the playground Henry met a new friend and played with him the whole time.  I love seeing Henry's social skills in action. At dinner Frances squeezed Henry's chocolate milk into her eye. I love seeing Frances' motor skills in action (don't worry, the milk didn't phase her). Frances loved eating my apple and both Henry and my soup. Oh, and she LOVED dessert.

 

Here we are post dessert. Notice the Foos around Frances' mouth and milk on her shirt. Henry refused to look normal.

Even though this week was hard, we did do some normal things, like hang out on the couch.

Film looks about as groggy as I was

 Henry and I also made some dessert. This is pretty rare now with my healthy eating, but we saw it in a Whole Foods pamphlet, and I thought why not. We melted marshmallows with cinnamon and butter and added it to corn flakes. Then we cut them out and decorated them.

Henry was a great helper and gave each little guy a mouth and eyes.

It's hard to see, but they were pretty delicious, so delicious that they only lasted 2 days.

Henry came home from school and was eating them for a snack. He told Aaron to remember to leave one for me when I came home. He started eating his and then said "Well, I guess she doesn't need one." Don't worry, I got to eat the last one!

Pick Up/Put Down

Oh my gosh! This parenting stuff can be horrible. This week has been a depressing/sleep-deprived foggy week. I am happy to say we all survived it, and at the end of it all, things are getting better.

Let me get you up to speed. After 3 days of PU/PD, things were going pretty well and Frances was getting the hang of things and was responding appropriately. Then day 5 and 6 came and she absolutely revolted (is that the right word?). Every time we would try to put her down, she would get into this crying/shrieking inconsolable fit. We would hold her and she would just look at us with these frantic eyes, pleading for it to be over. Unfortunately we gave a little and sometimes would feed her to settle her down. This only taught her that more fussing would give her what she wanted. And she didn't want the bottle per say, but an outside force to help her calm down.

We figured we had to be stronger and see it through for at least a couple days. Three nights ago was the climax to her unhappiness. She was waking up every hour mad and it was very difficult to settle her down. I still feed her a  ouple times at night and maybe that is confusing to her, but I believe she also needs it ( I couldn't go from feeding every hour to nothing, at least not yet). One hour after a feeding she woke up again, pretty upset. I did everything I could and after 45 minutes, I let Aaron have a go. After 30 minutes there was no improvement, so I tried again and finally got her to sleep after 1 1/2 of straight crying. She only slept for an hour or so and then it was back up. Needless to say, I slept horrible (if I did even sleep) and felt in a bad mood. I felt we were getting nowhere and the whole family was suffering.

Still, we plugged on. We stayed more strict to the PU/PD rules and didn't ever cave again. We also started being hyper acute to her tiredness and started a small routine before naps and bedtime. All of these helped and we were getting better. Most of her naps are now 1 1/2 except for her 6:00pm nap which is short (but that is okay because bedtime is close). Last night at bedtime she woke up for 2 hours consecutively, but then spaced up waking up from every 2-4 hours after that. Even when she woke up, she was consoled easily. We are not at the finish line yet, but we are better, a lot better.

Thinking about it, this is a huge change for Frances. She is used to sleeping right next to me in a pack-n-play and waking up every hour to feed. Now she sleeps in her own crib, puts herself to sleep and maybe gets to eat 2-3 times a night.  Looking back at this week, even with all the struggles, I feel the PU/PD technique worked well and I might recommend it for some patients of mine. I kinda wish we would have started when she was younger because it probably would have been less of a struggle. Still, we're doing it and that counts for something.

Now that Frances is getting better sleep she is super happy. It's nice to see that she likes the change too. Once Frances starts sleeping through the night, I have big plans for myself, but I'm not ready to share them yet.

Monday Run

Sunday night Frances did so well that I had enough energy to run with the Kansas City Track Club. After my beginning session ended, I was a little afraid to join the real runners, but last night was my third time so I was starting to get used to it. They have a weekly run on the Trolley Trail. Most of the people are faster than me (to be expected), but I am actually not the slowest.

When we started the group run, my plan was to run with one of my friends, but he was a little ahead of me at the start and I heard someone mentioning something about a comment they wrote on-line. I was curious to see if she had a running blog (she did).  I started running with her and realized our paces were similar. The only difference was that she was training for a marathon and she ran 22 miles the day before. This was her recovery run and this was, well, my regular run. As we ran together, I tried to strike up a conversation with her. Let me tell you, it didn't go very well. She seemed very serious and not very open to conversation. Hey, I thought this was a group run.  I tried talking about running, marathons, where we were from originally, things like that. She usually gave me brief answers and never asked me questions. Luckily she said she had to "tinkle" and went to use the bathroom. I ran on without her and it was probably for the best.

While I was running by myself, I noticed that people already had made it to the end of the trail and were coming back and passing me. While this was happening the ground changed from gravel to paved and the paved area started sloping down for an intersection. Why am I telling you all of this? Well, these are the reasons why I fell, yes fell. I lost my concentration and my toe dragged on the trail and I lost my footing. There was about a 2 hour pause in my head from when I started falling to the actual impact. My first thought was to look cool. Unfortunately, that was impossible. Then I thought about landing... should I put my arms out, fall to the side... . I ended up putting most of my weight on the side of my shin and slid a little. My right arm and left knee hit the ground and helped me not tip over or face plant. As soon as I fell I heard gasps and people were asking me if I was alright. I immediately got up, tried to pick up my dignity and started running forward and said I was alright. I made no eye contact with all the gawkers.  As I ran that next block I felt embarrassed about falling, but there was nothing I could do about it. Then I surveyed my body. Not to bad.  I ran the rest of the run and ended up with a pretty good time (including the fall).

After I got home my leg was hurting a little more so I used my doctor knowledge and gave myself Ibuprofen, iced my leg and elevated it. Now, two days later Aaron just told me the bruise doesn't look as bad as he thought it would. I would call that a compliment.

Everyone falls sometime and although I don't think it was graceful, I managed to pick my self up pretty quickly and move forward. Now that I have that out of my system. I hope to never do it again.

Sleep Training- Pick Up/Put Down

Alright, Aaron and I were finally ready to do something about Frances' sleep problems. Recently she has not only been a bad sleeper at night, but she is having a horrible time being put down for naps. So, it affected both Aaron and me (and Henry although he probably didn't mind it because he got to play more Wii). I think I know why things got bad. Developmentally, she has really taken off. She now can clap, wave and say "haaa," sign milk and say "mum, mum, mum," give kisses, pull to stand and even crawl (just happened last night). On top of that, her top teeth are finally breaking through. Can you blame a girl for trying to get some extra cuddles?

I can't blame her, but we can't do it anymore. Last Friday when I was at work, Aaron tried letting her cry out for periods of time (the Ferber method), and cry she did. She got so wound up we couldn't even settle her down when we finally went and got her. By the end of the day Aaron was exhausted and Frances had even more of an aversion to the crib.

So, we moved on. One promising technique is the pick up/put down method, or commonly called the PUPD method.  I liked this because we console her right away, yet this would condition her to fall asleep IN THE CRIB.  What you do is put her in the crib when she is sleepy and say some phrase that you will repeat over and over. Our phase that I picked out is "Good night Sweetie." Once you put her in the crib you can shush her and pat her, but the goal is to let her put herself to sleep. If she cries then you pick her up, but you put her down as soon as she is calm. I read on some blog that the first night it took 2 hours for some baby to fall asleep, so when I got home on Friday night, I was prepared.

That night I saw her rub her eyes and I whisked her away to the crib to try the technique.  As I suspected, as soon as her body hit the crib, she started crying (and the more I did it,  she started cring on the way down).  I would pick her up and calm her pretty quickly, then put her back again. Cry, calm, cry calm. After about 30 minutes she got pretty frustrated and seemed to be refusing everything (even the comfort) Then I tried to analyze the situation and thought, well, maybe she wasn't really tired in the first place. I brought her into the living room and she calmed down. After about 20 minutes, she started rubbing her eyes again, so I took her back to her room. I found out that if I comforted her a few more seconds before I put her down, she seemed to relax more. In the end it took abut 20 more minutes and she was asleep. It felt like a success.

That night Aaron and Henry slept upstairs (and very well I might add), while Frances and I were learning how things go. The first half of the night she woke up every hour (like she has been). I did the PUPD technique each time and it took maybe 10 minutes each time. The last half she extended her sleeping to two hours at a time. When we woke up, I felt things were going pretty well and she was already starting to get the hang of it. That day, putting her down for naps went ok, but she wouldn't sleep for more than 20-30 minutes. When we tried to do the PUPD technique after she took her short nap, it was a very hard fight. Still, it was working.

Saturday night Aaron and Henry went upstairs again and Frances and I had a horrible night. It started off with her waking up every hour for a couple of hours, but then she started waking up every 20 minutes and did this for about 2 1/2 hours. During this time I tried everything, feeding her, changing her diaper, moving locations and finally I felt she was hurting so I gave her Ibuprofen. That must have worked because she finally went down and slept for 2 hours. After that I think she only slept in 1 hour stints and it was becoming harder to put her to sleep.

During the day I was EXHAUSTED. I felt tired, short tempered and angry. I started questioning whether or not this is the right thing to do. I mean, I guess she could just sleep in our bed and wake up every hour to feed for the rest of her life, right? No, that wouldn't work. Oh, also, that day we could see more of one of her upper teeth poking through the gums. No wonder why she was mad, she was big time teething. Great, what a perfect time to start this (insert sarcasm here).

Still, I didn't give up, and I'm happy to say last night when pretty good. She slept for 2, 2 1/2 hour stints and then 3 hours at the end. There was one time in the middle where she was really mad at me and wouldn't settle. I think she was hungry because I fed her and all was good in the world. It must be weird from going to eating every hour to almost nothing. I am okay with feeding her occasionally. In fact, if we finish this training thing and she still eats in the middle of the night, I would be okay with it.

So, we're making some good improvements and I am now even more convinced that this is the right way for us because Aaron just told me she took an hour and a half nap. That's pretty dang good for her.

Lists

I've been trying to think of how to make this blog more enjoyable to read (and maybe even widen my audience that includes my family and Jackie).  One think I love is lists. I know I am not alone in this. I call it a good shopping day when I have a list made out. I love to do lists, and crossing items off. In my head I organize things with lists. So, because they are SO much fun, I think I will try to make a list on my blog weekly. This seems like a lot because sometimes I only post 5 times in a month, but it might get me posting more. If you want me to write a certain lists, leave a comment or tell me. I have been thinking great things, like top fitness gear I have, what other profession I would be, my top recipes, my favorite places in KC.  This could be the beginning of a great thing. I think I will start with a list of jobs I would want to do if I wasn't already a pediatrician.

1. Before medical school, I was a special education paraprofessional. It's a big title and it was also big fun. I really liked working in the schools and I think I could be happy there. I don't think I would want to be an actual grade school teacher because I find it depressing that you have to leave the kids after a year. In special education, you can work with them for years. Because I have done that already, I think I would want something besides special education. I did substitute for a speech teacher a couple times, but I still don't think I talk good enough for the job (although that teacher did says I do just fine).  I think I could be a good vice principal because I'm good a reading people and trying to come to solutions. Every day as a pediatrician I have to size up where the parents are on certain issues and plan a solution where everyone is happy (well most of the time they are). Anyway, as a vice principal, I would have to be a teacher first, so no. Actually, what stands out for me is being an ESL teacher. You would work with the same kids through the year and really help them out. Also, you could learn a lot about different cultures. Yes, that seems like fun. That would be my first pick for another job. Man, if I write this much for all the entries, this will be one LONG post.

2. Looking at my skill set, I like to craft and create. I see something in normal life and think "now how can I make this." This has brought me down various ventures from making my own stained glass center pieces for my wedding to sewing my own wallets (which by the way  I really need to make another one for me). The best way I could see this becoming profitable would be to open my own etsy shop. It could be a lot of fun.  The only down side I see is that I don't like the thought of mass producing something. There is fun making something a few times, but 20?  Also, I don't know if I could actually make money there.

3. After these two ideas, my next job I would like to have would be a stay-at-home mom.  I think I could do a fairly decent job of it, but I would definitely have to have some "mom" time. I would probably need to find a good play group and lots of projects to do with the kids, but we could have a great time. This of course would mean that Aaron would have to get a job outside the house or make a tremendous amount of money on the book he is writing.

4.Oh, I can't believe I forgot this one. Still, this would be in the right place. Ok, I will admit it. I have natural talent. When I started playing trombone, everything came naturally. I barely practiced, but constantly placed above my peers. In college I made it into the top jazz band freshman year. Not many did. I think if I actually tried a little harder and practiced more, I could have been a good trombone player. Ideally I could work for a symphony by day and be in a jazz band by night. That would be perfect. Actually, I wish I were in a jazz band now. I found one I want to join, but currently don't have enough time and, oh, yeah a TROMBONE. It got stolen in Uptown 10 years ago. Someday, maybe when the kids are bigger.

5. Wow, this is already getting hard. When I applied to medical school and was put on several waiting lists, I had to think about what I would do if I didn't get in. I read a book about it and seriously considered paleontology. I think the lifestyle is real unique and my children could have fun all over the world. I think I would like the actual meticulousness about digging up bones and the medical analysis. The one thing that seems to bother me is all the medical information is mostly speculative. We will never know if they actually flew or ate their young or were brightly colored. Everything is guesses. I supposed if I were a real paleontologist, I would be very upset with that statement, but alas I am not.

6. There seems something romantic about being a writer. I've been reading some non-fiction books that have been really good, but also make me think maybe I could do it. Honestly, I'm not much of a writer, but if I had time and maybe some classes, I could crank something out. I would want to drop of the kids at school and sit in a coffee shop and just write. If I could write anything and be good at it, of course I would write something like Harry Potter. Realistically, I could write about me being awesome, or maybe just being me.  Maybe I could take my family all over the world and write about that. See, sounds romantic doesn't it?

Well, I think that's a pretty good list. It took longer than I thought. Not all will be like this, but it is a good one to get started with. The truth of the matter is that I love being a pediatrician. Most days it challenges me and teaches me and makes me a better compassionate person. I don't know if any of the other jobs could do that.

If anyone wants to tell me what's on their lists, go ahead.

Zoo Run

Yesterday we had a fantastic day at the zoo. It all started with the 4 mile run with me and Aaron.  When we woke up, it seemed pretty cool out (about 55 degrees). I was thinking that I would be running in pants and a long sleeve shirt, but there is an on-line calculator type thing that told me I should run in a t-shirt and shorts so I believed it (and it was right).  Aaron wore pants and wished he would have worn shorts.  Anyway, once we got to the zoo, there was more people than I was thinking. I was a little disappointed because I don't like being crowded around and having to navigate around people.  At this point I decided just to run for enjoyment, and that's what I did.

This is us with the crowd at the starting line

At the starting line there were markers for pace. Aaron and I lined up in the middle between the 11:00 minute mile and 12:00 minute mile. We were there appropriately, but a lot of people didn't see the signs because there were some walkers ahead of us.

Of course, the race started a little late, but once it was underway the fun began.  The first mile was actually out of the zoo around Swope Park and it was mostly downhill. Our whole strategy was to take it slow and not get caught up with the excitement. It is so easy to go fast and then regret it later. It was a little hard to decide how fast because it was downhill and nice and cool. It was a really easy first mile and we ended up clocking in at 11:18.

For the second mile we headed down to Africa. It was here the path narrows and twists and turns. Our pace was more up to the people around us and it seemed to vary a lot. The actual running was still pretty easy and we felt good. The best part was after we ran through an enclosed bridge. Right when it opened up, a rhino was there looking up at us. I wonder if he thought it was a stampede. The second mile was 11:37.

For the beginning of the third mile, we had what I was concerned about the whole race, the run up hill out of Africa. Surprisingly, the hill was pretty easy, except for dodging the people who had to walk. Ha! Not us! After that we had 1 1/2 miles to go and we were still feeling great. We finished the 3rd mile somewhere in Australia at 11:23. Even though we had a hill up, we had a faster pace than mile 2.

The last mile we decided to run faster. We were passing people left and right. I guess we trained correctly and still had energy to go.  Aaron started really booking it with a 9:00 mile pace. I had to tell him to slow down. Man, sometimes it kills me. I run at least 3 times a week and Aaron barely trains and goes faster than me. I think it is one part genetics, one part being a guy and one part he didn't know how much distance was left. So, for the final mile, we killed it at 10:32. We almost cut a whole minute out of the previous mile. Talk about negative splits, right? 

At the end we both felt pretty good. The official final time was 44:58. I finished 84th our of 171 in my age group. I'm pretty solidly in the middle, which makes sense. I've come a long way, but have more to go. Aaron felt so good, in fact he ran the one mile race with Grammy and Henry.

Us after finishing the race and right before the one mile fun run. Can you see the elephants on the left?

Once we finished our race we met up with Grammy, Henry and Frances. Henry was saying that he didn't want to run his race. He said it was because he didn't want his legs to get tired. I think that was true to a point, but I also think he was getting nervous.  Aaron going with him and a promise of going bowling seemed enough to motivate him.

I started the race with him, but took a different turn to go to the bathroom and to feed Frances. Then I waited at the finish line. While I was there I pictured all the different visions of what could have happened during the race.  Happily, when I saw him there was a big smile on his face and Aaron and Henry were running to the finish line. Apparently, he started enjoying the race almost immediately.  That night we could all tell that he was exhausted because he was pretty cranky and fell asleep immediately.

All and all it was a great race and it makes me excited to do more races. Our next planned race was the Buck O'Neal race that has gone on for the last two years, but right now there is a question of whether on not they will hold it. I hope so, because I'm ready to rock it!

Getting Ready

We've been having a lot of fun these last couple days. Before I get into it. I'd like to show everyone something. Yesterday I saw I patient that I have seen since I joined the practice about 2 1/2 years ago. I scrolled back in her chart and I was amazed at my signature changes. Being a doctor, I easily sign my name at least 100 times a day. It makes sense why doctor's signatures are so illegible, it just takes to long. To be efficient, you must pair down your name to the essential. Let me show you my transition.

Here it is, my signature during the first month on the job. You can see Laura and well at least the first 4 letters of my name clear. I guess I lost the last part of my last name in residency.

Now here I lost the y in my last name



Hmm, really bad. I guess I was in a hurry



Oh good, the "o" came back in the last name, but sadly the "y" didn't make it back



There goes the "o" for good now. Actually, my last name just looks like a big old "H"

The "S" is becoming more messy, but hey, at least I crossed my "t".

Well, no more crossing the "t" and my first name looks like a Z

Even more abstract. No one would guess that my last name starts with a "S."

And here it is! "Z scribbly R," right?

Oh, how fun/horrible was that!  For the record, I try to write clearly on everything else. Not once has a pharmacist called because he couldn't read the prescription, but then again, maybe he couldn't even figure out who wrote it. Ha!

My last blog was how I enjoy home cooked healthy meals, but last night I forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer. Instead of dining on only broccoli saw (I had meant to pair it with a tomato chicken soup), we chose to eat out.  Surprise, surprise. It's actually something that we are pretty bad out. We love eating out and if it's an option, we take it.  Last night we decided to try a new restaurant and it made me sad. So sad that I have missed out on it for 5 whole years of my life. What was I thinking! We went to Bella Napoli in Brookside and it was so fantastic. I loved the homemade gnocchi freshly made in the morning paired with their house wine. Mmmmmm. To top that off, we had dessert at Foos. It was Fabulous.

Because it was raining last night, Henry and I couldn't get our training session in, so when I came home from work today and it was not raining, Henry was ready.

This is us pre-run. My goal for him was to run/walk a mile.

This is him mid-run. He usually had a nice speed burst and then needed a little drink and a little walking to get his energy back.

This is us during the running part (notice me in the window). He was getting better at going at a nice slow solid pace.

Sometimes he would have to go "Sonic speed" and pass me up.

We did a whole mile and Henry did so good. He was happy and excited the whole time. He'll do perfectly tomorrow.  I can't wait to watch him finish.

New Things

So first off, Frances isn't really any better and I think I've reached my limit.  I told myself to let those front two teeth come in. If they come in and she's still waking up 5-6 times at night, it time for some tough love. Honestly, I thought she would do this herself. I mean, she's the easy baby. But, I need my sleep and I need to go to work not grumpy.

Speaking of not being grumpy, I've been reading a new book called "The Happiness Project." So far so good and I think it has inspired me to be more happy myself. The other day I got home early from work and Aaron and the kids were gone. My house is constantly a mess and it bothers me, but I never have the energy to clean it. Well, that day I cleaned the whole main floor. Nothing spotless, but just clean so I could enjoy myself in the space. And you know what? It made me happy. I was also off the next day and didn't have to worry about cleaning so that was another reason to make me happy. This book also had me thinking that I get happy when there is a healthy tasty meal planned for dinner.  So, I found a great online blog and looked through her recipes. I found a great one for stuffed peppers and they turned out pretty good. Mmmm.

Then for dessert I went on an adventure. Well, I mean I tried out something new. Everyone is raving about chia seeds so I thought I would check into them. I mixed the seeds with coconut milk, almond extract, vanilla extract, honey and cinnamon and then I....waited.  I had to wait two whole hours before I could eat it.  I wish I would have looked at that before I started. Anyway, once I got to eat it, it was pretty tasty. I will say that it looks like there is a bunch of dead bugs swimming in milk, but luckily it doesn't taste that way. It tastes like a sweet tapioca pudding. I added blueberries and was very happy with the result. Aaron said it tastes good once you get over the texture.  Henry likes "normal" pudding better. I let Frances take a spoon full and she loved it. Then I realized that it had honey in it so she was done. Next time I'll use maple syrup so she can enjoy it more.

This weekend Aaron and I are going to run the Zoo run, which is a whopping 4 miles. We ran together last week and pulled off 4 miles, so it should be okay. The only thing is we have to run out of the Africa area and that is a long hill up.  I signed Henry up for the 1 mile fun run.  I hope he's up for it.  Today I told him we would do a little training and run to a local frozen yogurt place. It's about a mile away and we get a treat at the end. I think Aaron will meet us there so we don't have to run back. Sounds like a good plan to me.

Just keep going

To be honest, these last two weeks have not been fun for me at all.

 

I grant you, my kids are wonderful and the best thing that I have ever done, but that doesn't mean I enjoy them all the time. I love writing blog posts about how they did something cute or how fun it is to be with them, but honestly, that is not always the case. I always hesitate to write something not positive on my blog because, well, I don't know, I feel like it might make me not a good mother or something. But then I realize that the tough parts of being a mother are important to tell and to go through and acknowledge. Just because no one writes about it on a blog, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It does.

 

So, for me, it all stems down to lack of sleep. During residency I felt like most of my time at home was a fog. I was so sleepy all of the time and when it was time to sleep, it was hard to do because either I couldn't fall asleep or Henry. I remember dreading going to bed at night because I didn't know what was going to happen.  This started again. I believe Frances has been a little sick and has been teething, so she needs me.  During the day she has been especially clingy and at night she wakes up ALL THE TIME.  Now, for the most part, I can handle the daytime piece, but the night time, well that is another story.

 

I have found out that my body and mind do not function well with sleep deprivation. The first thing that happens is that I loose patience, which is especially hard for my son. I am easy to get upset and find myself getting more and more frustrated with mundane things. These last few weeks I couldn't plan anything, meals, grocery shopping, nothing.  I feel sorry for my nurse who had to deal with me in a sulky mood. Because I was so tired, I didn't exercise, which probably made everything worse.  My body was giving into the deprivation and stress and I couldn't fight it anymore.  All I could do was put on a fake smile (at least outside my house) and survive.

 

There are times in parenting where survival has to be good enough. It makes me wonder, is my son going to remember me being short tempered? Maybe he will just remember playing in the rain with me and making waffles.  One thing I know he will remember is that I was there. Fussy or not, I was there and we survived.