Growing Up

I understand denial.  It's easier to deal with. When I was in medical school I didn't have dental insurance, wasn't making any money and I knew I had a cavity. Up until this point my teeth had been perfect. When I looked in the mirror I could see a little black spot on my tooth. I guess I felt like if it didn't hurt me it wasn't there, so I put off dealing with a dentist.  Eventually it started aching a little, so I finally went. Of course, it was a cavity and I had to have my first filling.  Ugh.  Not a big fan of the dentist, but I pulled it together and got it fixed. I remember him commenting that it was close to the nerve. I guess that is why it hurt a little. After that I felt better and never went to the dentist for YEARS.  I know, I know, bad me. Once I finished residency, I could no longer say I was too busy. Also, my work gave me dental insurance. So I went to the dentist and had  to have a few more cavities filled. I got all caught up and felt very responsible.

This month I found out my work is canceling our dental insurance due to financial problems. Hmm, I guess I needed to get to the dentist soon. I found out that it had been a year and a half since my last visit. I guess old habits die hard.   I went to the dentist yesterday and they told me that I need a root canal. They said that the cavity that I got filled in medical school was probably too close to the nerve and over time it developed problems. I asked what I could have done different and he replied nothing, but I still feel like a failure, like I should have prevented this problem. The tooth doesn't really hurt, but I guess if I give it time, it will.

So, I scheduled a root canal for this afternoon. I am not happy about this at all. First, this seems like the most miserable experience ever (and I've had 2 babies). I googled what a root canal is and started watching a video. I have been in the operating room many many times and I don't mind the sight of blood and surgery, yet I had to stop this video.

Needless to say, yesterday I left the dentist's office very unhappy. I feel like my body is letting me down. I'm only 33 years old (although the other day I really thought I was 34). Because I'm getting older, I have to suck it in and do what I need todo, regardless of pain or money. It's not a happy thought. Luckily for me I had to walk home from the dentist and by the time I was home, my mind was resigned to the fact that I need the root canal. No more denial, no more putting it off.

So today, after my morning clinic, I'm off to the endodontist. Wish me luck