Nostalgia

 Two nights ago I watched the Saturdar Night Live anniversary show, well, okay, I only watched half of it. I am sure it was the better half anyway. How can anyone be expected to watch a 3 1/2 hour show?  Aaron did, but it took him a couple settings.

 As I was watching it, I started being filled with feelings of when I watched it as a young girl. When I was in junior high, I considered myself pretty funny. In fact, I took a class in school that was all about improve and I KILLED IT! I thought, well, maybe I found my calling.  When I would watch SNL as a young girl, I saw the comedians and how much fun they were having, and how they were bringing joy to others' lives.  Yes, I could do that.  I felt like at that time I could do about anything presented. There were just so many options.
 
I did not think about the late nights writing scetches, or the parting or the drugs, and most of all the job insecurity.  That part did not exist for me.
 
With all that lay ahead, I was happy to know of all the different paths possible. 
 
While I watched that show two nights ago, I realized that I don't really have choices anymore, well, not the big ones. I guess I can choose what to wear or what we are having for dinner, but nothing big anymore.  I have already made my choices.  I love my job and the direction it has taken. I love my husband. I love my kids.  It is not that. It is just that this is my life and all the large choices are done.  I guess it is good to know who I am and what I want to do, but I liked that feeling of invincability and that I could really do anything.
 
Now I know I can't, and the choice is gone.  

Radiation

 

 I haven't written on purpose.

 I am trying to get happy and accept things.  I just keep waiting, but I'm not there yet. It really doesn't matter, because tomorrow I am going to get radiation.

 Yes, again I will say, tomorrow I will get radiation. It is not just that day, but for 7 weeks!

 I am trying to rack my brain around it. When this whole things started, I knew that my tumor was too big to handle solely with surgery, but the doctors told me that I would just get one dose of radiation and call it good. Well, this is not happening. I think the people were being too hopeful with the future. Instead of telling me what they wanted to happen, they should have told me that this was even an option! I am upset with them. They mislead me and made this transition even more tough for me.

 With the way things are, I agree this is the best path.  I will get a lower dose radiation for about 33-35 treatments (weekends are free). This low dose allows for the good tissue to heal and that bad tissue to die.

 As far as side effects, they should be minimal. I might have patchy hair loss, headaches and fatigue. The radiation is centered on a small area, my tumor, and that will minimize side effects.  I feel like  am just getting back to normal with my energy. Knowing that I am going be more tired, well, not exactly fun.

 I have already been fitted for my special helmet, for which my teeth and back of head were molded.

I have had a special CT and I have had 5 MRIs in 4 months.

 

 I guess I am as ready as I can be

 Starting tomorrow, I go in every weekday at 1 pm.  The radiation is about 20 minutes long, then I will go back to work.

 After 7 weeks, I am done.  Done, done! 

Frances says "Malcolm jump"

This weekend I got to see family in Fargo. It was a brief, but pleasant visit.  Poor Henry was too sick to join in on the fun.  Strep throat does that to a boy.  With the family in Fargo, it is nice to know that whatever happens, it always seems the same in Fargo.

Piano Lesson

 

 Last year, Henry officially started taking piano lessons. When we lived in Kansas City, I taught him a little from a book, but it was pretty informal. Now that we are here in Minnesota, we have the benefit of my mom.  It is a pretty good deal.

 When Henry started taking piano, he was naturally pretty good, but soon it started challenging him, and he didn't like it. He actually has to work!  There have been a couple lessons that Henry has been in tears, butt not many.

 

 Henry has expressed that he doesn't want to continue lessons, so we are officially forcing him to play piano.  I am okay with this.  It might be the only thing that stretches his mind right now. Years and years later from now, he might actually thank me....um, but not yet

 While we were there, Ruby and Malcolm came. I had some pictures of Malcolm, but they were either blurry or bad, so I only got Ruby.

 Even though it was a Sunday, we got up early and we had some time to kill, so what is a family to do...SWORD FIGHT!

Frances is really getting into the fighting thing and sometimes Henry will fight back a little too hard.  Game is over once a child gets hurt.  I want them to play a little rough, because I know it is healthy. I just cant stand watching or the consequences that inevitably happen.

 I am glad Frances likes the fighting stuff because then she is less into the princess stuff. It is all about balance.

Backyard Fun

When I was younger, I really thought that I would be a city girl.  I wanted to be close to the excitement and I wanted my children to experience what the cities offer. By and by my mind has changed.  I actually like a little piece and quiet. I like knowing my neighbors and being connected.

I like the big yards

 Big yard to do all kinds of things.

 Like go cross-country skiing.

 When we were starting our first full winter, I bought two pairs of skis: one for me and one for Henry.  When the weather is tolerable, we would put the skis on and go around our yard. It was always a lot of fun.  This year, it was time for Aaron to join in.

 Today he got skis and we all had a blast outside.  I brought the camera out to show all of the fun we had.

 Even though my kids were born in Kansas City, they are Minnesotan at heart because they love the winter. In fact, Henry says it is his favorite season.

 Frances was being especially photogenic and let me take picture after picture of her. I just had to put in a lot, because they all were great.

 I hope all of my family in Kansas City is now jealous and wants to come visit us. We love our snow!

Henry looking older than I feel he should look.

Franny making sure everything is in tip top order

Henry zooming past.

Frances playing while Henry comes closer

Frances is completely oblivious that Henry is trucking it behind her



After this we all were tired, cold and hungry, so we went out to eat.  After that, the night was basically done.  What a fun filled day.

Henry and Hockey

 

 Last night Henry had hockey practice; well actually it was a game. This is a nice outdoor parks and rec league so it isn't competitive and I think it is perfect for Henry. He was in this league last year, but I never could go because it was so freezing and I had to take care of Frances.  Yesterday it was pretty warm for winter so it was a perfect time to come. 

 I feel like Henry is growing right before my eyes. I look at a picture of him, and I no longer see that baby face, but I see a kid and beyond. When I saw him on the ice, I was overwhelmed. I expected to see the skating baby steps and slow skating that I thought he did, but I was wrong. This guy is really skating! I will say that he is not very aggressive, which in this case is fine with me. As I watched, I marveled with Henrys progress, both on the ice and off.

 With regards to the camera, I shot some with action sequence, I shot some in snow scene, but I ended up in manuel, so I could over expose the pictures slightly so I could get good detail on the skin. I suppose it is hard to shoot an ice rink with a setting sun and fast boys playing on the ice.  It was a good challenge for me and I think I got some good ones.

 Because I couldn't trim the pictures anymore, here are all of them: